Shut the fuck up--I'm trying to enjoy the sex!!!!
There are different breeds of "Dirty Talkers" including the "Dirty Thinkers", "The Say but Don't Act(ors)" and the "I'm Going to Make You Feel Like a Piece of Trash(ers)".
The Dirty Thinkers: These are the ones who just think about everything they can do to you, day in and day out. They ponder the different positions they can maneuver you in, without cutting off (but definitely coming near cutting off) your circulation. These are the talkers that may disclose their kinkiest fantasies to you in broad daylight. But don't even think about it in the dark.
The Say but Don't Act: These are the talkers that are just all about talking. You can be in the bedroom, and they can be reciting all the things they want to do with/to you...okay....OKAY! Are you going to do it!?! No. The answer is no.
These talkers are ALL talk. Don't waste your time, move on.
The I'm Going to Make You Feel Like a Piece of Trash: Let me tell you how low you are. Let me rip apart every bit of security and confidence you have in yourself, so that you fully submit to me. And then, when you least expect it, I'll spank you--and you'll like it, cause' you have no other choice.
Then I'll call you a "Dirty Cunt" because we both know that's what you are.
It takes a very specific breed to gravitate towards this kind of dirty talker. You will usually find this in couples where either party (or both) came from families that were/are verbally abusive. Then you can also find this in standard role-playing. However, if this is the norm in your sex life, maybe you should question your level of self-respect. I couldn't imagine someone getting off on being degraded and spat on.
Every once in a while a little dirty talk is okay. Don't bombard the love sesh with it though--It can kill the vibe real quick if your partner isn't feeling it. Start out with a few short phrases, mentioning what feels good to you, but until you know your partner's style (and body) like the back of your hand, it's safer to stay away from the name-calling.
Happy Boning!
5.11.2010
4.21.2010
Erotic Fiction
Oh, have I got a story for you.
I recently decided to start stepping out of my comfort zone and attempting to visit a new show, venue, or event every week. This little challenge stemmed from a friend mentioning that I always go back to the venue's I know, and am comfortable with. So on Friday night, my friend and I ventured into the city, with a new venue to visit and explore.
The Center for Sex and Culture.
www.sexandculture.org
The Center for Sex and Culture in San Francisco is located on mission St, in a tiny little building amongst the many industrial sized monsters that surround it. The first thing I noticed was the hot pink sign standing outside the building introducing the events that were going on that evening. After walking inside, we were greeted by a large dark staircase that led us into a short hallway with two doors: one to the left, and the other to the right.
In the middle of the hallway we saw a little chair with a sign pointing to the right (having arrived 20 minutes early, we surely took the directions of the sign) leading us to a small room filled with props, posters, events, a little wine bar, and some dramatically flamboyant guests.
We were about to embark on our first journey. We were led down a long hallway filled with tables, fake candles, and feathers. The event, Erotic Fiction, was about to begin. When the show finally began, an old man came out and started to rehearse the story of his life. He was a gay veteran in WWII, and had to hide his true identity as a drag queen. After watching people sing, dance, take off their clothes, interact with the audience, and have sex on stage, my friend and I decided to leave. We figured intermission would be the best opportunity to do so. We grabbed our belongings and made a speedy exit.
In the hallway, as we were getting out coats on, a man asked us if we knew about the guy performing in the other room. I asked him what the guy's name was and he replied "Frank Moore". Fuck my life--We had made a wrong turn and should have entered the door on the LEFT when we first got into the venue. We had watched the wrong show and were determined to get at least a glimpse of what we had originally gone to see.
We slowly crept to the other side of the hallway noticing that there wasn't much sound coming from the closed door. I latched onto the handle and pushed, and there, right before our eyes, was a room full of naked people all intertwined with each other.
Erotic Fiction was in fact led by a master of sensuality, Frank Moore, who also happened to be a paraplegic, having no control over his muscles movements. Shocked at first, and a little apprehensive to stay, my friend and I uncomfortably sat on the sidelines observing.
The first thing we noticed was that the Frank Moore was sitting in a wheelchair, naked, with two different colored socks and shoes jolting his hand, arms, legs and feet in all directions. The entire event was being filmed- There were cameras everywhere. On the side of the room, there was a DJ mixing different trance segments. Frank Moore had a translator who would look at the patterns his mouth made to spell out words letter by letter, for his participants.
After watching for a bit, Frank had his translator ask us if we were interested in participating in the next activity, "gestures", where we would be partnered together with a complete stranger, and have to do anywhere from "lovingly gaze at each other" to "knowingly massaging each others genitals". The whole concept of becoming so close to a complete stranger was very unique and uncomfortable for me, so I decided to continue to observe. However, my friend was willing to step out of her comfort zone and participate.
As 'gestures' were being read aloud by the translator, Frank asked me to participate, once again, by reading some of his poetry while every one role played. I was given a mic, and a binder full of incredibly thoughtful poems to rehearse.
After a while of gestures, Frank asked how people felt about the event, and everyone around the room got a chance to add their two sense. My friend and I had had just enough alternative events for the night and decided it was time to hit the bars and clubs.
In the end we saw the event as being a funny story we could tell people in the future. As tacky and outrageous as it may sound to the reader, this is the way that some people connect to society and connect to their own sexuality--something very important for our overall well-being.
I recently decided to start stepping out of my comfort zone and attempting to visit a new show, venue, or event every week. This little challenge stemmed from a friend mentioning that I always go back to the venue's I know, and am comfortable with. So on Friday night, my friend and I ventured into the city, with a new venue to visit and explore.
The Center for Sex and Culture.
www.sexandculture.org
The Center for Sex and Culture in San Francisco is located on mission St, in a tiny little building amongst the many industrial sized monsters that surround it. The first thing I noticed was the hot pink sign standing outside the building introducing the events that were going on that evening. After walking inside, we were greeted by a large dark staircase that led us into a short hallway with two doors: one to the left, and the other to the right.
In the middle of the hallway we saw a little chair with a sign pointing to the right (having arrived 20 minutes early, we surely took the directions of the sign) leading us to a small room filled with props, posters, events, a little wine bar, and some dramatically flamboyant guests.
We were about to embark on our first journey. We were led down a long hallway filled with tables, fake candles, and feathers. The event, Erotic Fiction, was about to begin. When the show finally began, an old man came out and started to rehearse the story of his life. He was a gay veteran in WWII, and had to hide his true identity as a drag queen. After watching people sing, dance, take off their clothes, interact with the audience, and have sex on stage, my friend and I decided to leave. We figured intermission would be the best opportunity to do so. We grabbed our belongings and made a speedy exit.
In the hallway, as we were getting out coats on, a man asked us if we knew about the guy performing in the other room. I asked him what the guy's name was and he replied "Frank Moore". Fuck my life--We had made a wrong turn and should have entered the door on the LEFT when we first got into the venue. We had watched the wrong show and were determined to get at least a glimpse of what we had originally gone to see.
We slowly crept to the other side of the hallway noticing that there wasn't much sound coming from the closed door. I latched onto the handle and pushed, and there, right before our eyes, was a room full of naked people all intertwined with each other.
Erotic Fiction was in fact led by a master of sensuality, Frank Moore, who also happened to be a paraplegic, having no control over his muscles movements. Shocked at first, and a little apprehensive to stay, my friend and I uncomfortably sat on the sidelines observing.
The first thing we noticed was that the Frank Moore was sitting in a wheelchair, naked, with two different colored socks and shoes jolting his hand, arms, legs and feet in all directions. The entire event was being filmed- There were cameras everywhere. On the side of the room, there was a DJ mixing different trance segments. Frank Moore had a translator who would look at the patterns his mouth made to spell out words letter by letter, for his participants.
After watching for a bit, Frank had his translator ask us if we were interested in participating in the next activity, "gestures", where we would be partnered together with a complete stranger, and have to do anywhere from "lovingly gaze at each other" to "knowingly massaging each others genitals". The whole concept of becoming so close to a complete stranger was very unique and uncomfortable for me, so I decided to continue to observe. However, my friend was willing to step out of her comfort zone and participate.
As 'gestures' were being read aloud by the translator, Frank asked me to participate, once again, by reading some of his poetry while every one role played. I was given a mic, and a binder full of incredibly thoughtful poems to rehearse.
After a while of gestures, Frank asked how people felt about the event, and everyone around the room got a chance to add their two sense. My friend and I had had just enough alternative events for the night and decided it was time to hit the bars and clubs.
In the end we saw the event as being a funny story we could tell people in the future. As tacky and outrageous as it may sound to the reader, this is the way that some people connect to society and connect to their own sexuality--something very important for our overall well-being.
3.09.2010
Positive Change.
Did you know that we're supposed to poop 2-3 times a day?! Interesting.
So it ends up that when we get taken off our formulas and mush as babies, and are first exposed to the "American Diet", our arteries are quickly clogged by the fat and sugar saturated foods we take in. This is why our bowel-movements become less frequent.
This is just one of the many things I learned attending Deanna Latson's talk on Eating well, and feeling great! This engaging speaker suffered from Bulimia for 11 years, had cluster migraines, and ate fast food an average of 6 days per week. When she noticed the number of medications her father was on (and that his doctor claimed, were critical to his health), she quickly searched for a method "to fix him" and along her journey, fixed herself (and him).
Although healthy living may not directly correlate to whether or not you're single or in a relationship, It's extremely crucial to your self-confidence and 'dating presence'. Who wants to date someone with no energy, spotty self-confidence, and irregular bowel-movements (Okay, I was kidding on the last one)?
This talk was so inspiring to me, that I'm going to make it a point to start attending local farmers markets every weekend.
As for the dating world: Your health=Your Self-Esteem=Your dating confidence. Simple. Same goes for those of you who are in relationships. If you don't love yourself, how is anyone ever supposed to love you?
One thing that people may be confused on is the correlation health has with weight. Scratch those pre-conceived stereotypes that healthy people are skinny. Deanna made it a point to say in her talk that most skinny people are FAR from healthy. They just have very quick, youthful metabolisms, that process what they eat with ease. Although the pounds don't glue to their insides, the plaque (from fatty foods) still builds in their arteries-unfortunately sending them off to a future of health issues.
This is an interesting concept, because our society is focused on the diet and numbers game. Who are we to look at someone who's BMI is 27 and deem them overweight or unhealthy. Did we consider their muscle mass, or the types of foods they consumed, or did we measure their height to weight ratio?
ANYWAY.
So here we are on the day of a date. What kinds of activities should we do that day to bring up our over-all morale and project our self-confidence in a positive light?
According to Ezine (http://ezinearticles.com) these are the four essentials before a date:
Activate: Get those 'Happy Chemicals" (Endorphins) flowing to your brain.
Relax: Drink some tea, or do some visualizations if you're the nervous type.
Plan it: Come up with a confident plan in a familiar setting.
Prime: Take the time out of your day for some "you time" you want to feel and look at your best when you arrive.
So today, make a pledge to yourself to eat well, be well, and feel great- because it's never worth compromising your health (even for a test).
And take a look at this video, if you're interested in hearing a shortened version of Deanna's talk at SSU.
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2.18.2010
Is it Love or Lust?
There's a fine, fine line between love and lust, and I believe the two are used interchangeably, and often confused!
So let's take a look at Merriam-Webster's Definition.
2 definitions come up:
1.: Intense or unbridled sexual desire
and
2.: Intense Longing.
This was surprising to me, because I always thought "lust" was more of an act then a desire- but clearly, I was very much mistaken!
Moving onto "Love": one of the deepest emotions experienced in relationships.
These are the first two definitions that came up:
1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties
2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers
I can see how someone can mix up the two! They both highlight "togetherness" , are left to be desired, and can really fuck with your head! Are they the same though?
My answer: No.
You can Love your baby, but only a pedophile would Lust for your child.
You can Love your material goods, but you can only really lust for your sex toys.
You can Love a sensation you experience, but it would be taboo to Lust for that feeling....
...Catch my drift?
So why do we confuse these terms in relationships? Is Lust a tagword for one night stand? or can you Lust and Love your partner at the same time.
Take a look at this video and comment on whether or not you agree or disagree with any of the word combination:
So let's take a look at Merriam-Webster's Definition.
2 definitions come up:
1.: Intense or unbridled sexual desire
and
2.: Intense Longing.
This was surprising to me, because I always thought "lust" was more of an act then a desire- but clearly, I was very much mistaken!
Moving onto "Love": one of the deepest emotions experienced in relationships.
These are the first two definitions that came up:
1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties
2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers
I can see how someone can mix up the two! They both highlight "togetherness" , are left to be desired, and can really fuck with your head! Are they the same though?
My answer: No.
You can Love your baby, but only a pedophile would Lust for your child.
You can Love your material goods, but you can only really lust for your sex toys.
You can Love a sensation you experience, but it would be taboo to Lust for that feeling....
...Catch my drift?
So why do we confuse these terms in relationships? Is Lust a tagword for one night stand? or can you Lust and Love your partner at the same time.
Take a look at this video and comment on whether or not you agree or disagree with any of the word combination:
2.17.2010
"Easy To Get" Just Doesn't Sound Half As Fun!
The title says it all.
Better stick with "Hard to Get" if you're going to play any game at all. It works. Even my mom (and doctors) say so. So here's what I did, I consulted the male and female perspective of the game, found out how to play it, and got some info on the benefits people experience from it.
Survey Says!
For the Gals:
Cosmopolitan: The Relationship Games You Should Play.
1) Answer half his calls/texts/emails etc. Make him beg to know why you're so busy!
2) Too much information (TMI) will scare him away. Keep him guessing...
3) Always be the one to end the date or phone call. I mean, you've got better things to do, right? RIGHT?!?
4) A little jealousy never hurt anyone. Flirt but don't talk dirt.
5) No sex. For like a day- wait no, like a month (if you can hold it for that long it will be well worth it!)
Here's the link if you want to read the article in its entirety: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/dating-advice/547479-7
For the Guys:
It was a little bit harder to find content for the guys because it's always stressed that they are the chasers and the women are the prizes to be lured in.
So every website I consulted stated the statistics, that bachelors have a much higher success rate when only pursuing a woman after 48-72 hours of exchanging numbers. Some videos remarked that it's better for the woman to make the first point of contact, but this is what the majority rule remarked. Take a look at this "Professional Bachelor":
Better stick with "Hard to Get" if you're going to play any game at all. It works. Even my mom (and doctors) say so. So here's what I did, I consulted the male and female perspective of the game, found out how to play it, and got some info on the benefits people experience from it.
Survey Says!
For the Gals:
Cosmopolitan: The Relationship Games You Should Play.
1) Answer half his calls/texts/emails etc. Make him beg to know why you're so busy!
2) Too much information (TMI) will scare him away. Keep him guessing...
3) Always be the one to end the date or phone call. I mean, you've got better things to do, right? RIGHT?!?
4) A little jealousy never hurt anyone. Flirt but don't talk dirt.
5) No sex. For like a day- wait no, like a month (if you can hold it for that long it will be well worth it!)
Here's the link if you want to read the article in its entirety: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/dating-advice/547479-7
For the Guys:
It was a little bit harder to find content for the guys because it's always stressed that they are the chasers and the women are the prizes to be lured in.
So every website I consulted stated the statistics, that bachelors have a much higher success rate when only pursuing a woman after 48-72 hours of exchanging numbers. Some videos remarked that it's better for the woman to make the first point of contact, but this is what the majority rule remarked. Take a look at this "Professional Bachelor":
Who Said?
There's an explanation for everything out there. "How to Meet a Guy in 10 Days", "Don't go Chasing Waterfalls", "Kanye's New Workout Plan" ... You get the point. But no one ever chooses to ignore these guides, and just experience a relationship, sex, or love on their own.
My hopes are to change this for you.
In The Heart, The Streets, and The Sheets, I plan on introducing you to a world of obscurity-- a place that people would label taboo, but one that is actually normal to many. This place, in your life, should be where you feel most comfortable opening yourself up to new opportunities, intimate conversations, and thrilling experiences. Find this place, where the media, and gossip can't break your walls, and call it home.
"Who said?", is what you should really be asking yourself when you follow someone else's sex or relationship advice. Ask yourself that question constantly. Why am I engaging in this act/outing/experience/emotion, is it because I really want to? or am I just playing "The Game"? And what's the game anyway? Does everyone react to it in a promising way? These are the questions we need to ask ourselves before engaging in a relationship-The manuals do not tell all. Sometimes it just takes authentic, genuine, truthful, words to paint an accurate picture for someone. Try it sometime, you might be surprised.
My hopes are to change this for you.
In The Heart, The Streets, and The Sheets, I plan on introducing you to a world of obscurity-- a place that people would label taboo, but one that is actually normal to many. This place, in your life, should be where you feel most comfortable opening yourself up to new opportunities, intimate conversations, and thrilling experiences. Find this place, where the media, and gossip can't break your walls, and call it home.
"Who said?", is what you should really be asking yourself when you follow someone else's sex or relationship advice. Ask yourself that question constantly. Why am I engaging in this act/outing/experience/emotion, is it because I really want to? or am I just playing "The Game"? And what's the game anyway? Does everyone react to it in a promising way? These are the questions we need to ask ourselves before engaging in a relationship-The manuals do not tell all. Sometimes it just takes authentic, genuine, truthful, words to paint an accurate picture for someone. Try it sometime, you might be surprised.
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